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Cloak of Grief
Nowhere to run; no way to escape. Grief stands stoic; formidable. Gaping mouth; piercing teeth. He gnaws, claws, chews, shreds. Devouring all in his wake. Death’s brother of destruction. Moments too morbid to move. Beats too unbearable to breathe. My heart sits raw; putty in grief’s hands. My soul lies at his feet as he stomps again and again. Ever-widening hole… … a part of me is gone; a part of me has died. I cannot contain this sorrow; he envelopes my existence My only ally is the future. I know my faithful Lord will restore all the locust has eaten. It just takes time 11.14.14 Nicole Casanova ~written upon my mother’s passing~ The Experience of Grief Nicole Casanova 7.28.24 This November will mark the 10th year of my mother's passing. I could write pages about losing one's mother, regardless of what that relationship may have looked like. Perhaps another time. For now, there is a more recent experience I wish to share... 19 days ago, I had to have my beloved companion of 12 years put down. Bella was my beautiful cat, my faithful friend. I never understood one could grieve the death of a pet as one might grieve a person. I discovered this to be true. Pets extend unconditional love to us. Their companionship is generally more extensive, as they are completely dependent on us for their care and they are found to be almost constantly at our sides, whenever in our company. When one is faced with the decision to end our cherished pet’s life, the guilt that accompanies the grief can be an overwhelming experience to go through. This type of comparison reminds me of the grief of death versus the grief of divorce. When a spouse dies, family and friends gather round in united support and comfort, as they too, grieve alongside the widow/widower. Even such a title will warrant sympathy and empathy in the coming years. There will be no stigma, no label of shame, for the survivor to bear. Not so with divorce. A divorce is death without the casseroles. The broken marriage sends a fragmented ripple effect through both sides of the family, as well as, the circle of friends; and most especially through children who have been birthed through the marriage. A dividing camp of judgment and ostracism is automatically formed in certain friends and family. Unless one chooses to eventually remarry, they will continue to be forced to check off the box marked “Divorced.” When death takes a loved one, be it family member or friend; once again, family and friends will gather round in united support and grief. But when a pet dies, the owner(s) will traverse this barren landscape alone. Others may offer words of sympathy and encouragement but many do not understand or value the depth of this loss. Often, this journey through grief is endured in solitude. Unfortunately, we will all experience grief at some point in our lives. Unless we go through the unspeakable horrors of war or devastating of on-going natural disasters, grief is not something we become well acquainted with and this is one of the many reasons it is such a difficult experience to go through. Many studies on grief indicate there are five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is one additional stage I wish to add to this list and it is notably, the only stage that appears in the beginning and for only a brief time, never to resurface again. It is also a merciful stage given to us to begin the business of the tasks we must complete, such as funeral arrangements. I am referring to the initial stage of “shock.” This is a period of being emotionally and possibly even physically numb. The remaining stages of grief are all moving parts, rather than one linear journey we can note and check off. This makes processing our grief even more difficult, as we are often overtaken in surprise by a “tsunami” of emotions that will uproot our proverbial anchors in life’s ocean. Because of my most recent loss of “Bella” and the accompanying grief, I decided to write some grief “guidelines” that may be of help for others, as they navigate their own, personal journey. Grief is something that will pass through us, as we move through it. Even though grief can overtake us at unexpected moments, it is absolutely essential to be gentle and supportive with ourselves as we honor the grief, rather than pushing it down or self-medicating. Some examples of healthy ways to honor and process through grief would be praying, crying, sobbing, yelling, journaling, exercising, and confiding. It will only work against us to place expectations on our time line of contending with our grieving process. We may experience days, weeks and eventually months of being “done,” only to be blindsided by one or more of the stages at once. For example, one morning we may wake up feeling overwhelmed, depressed and/or angry for no apparent reason, forgetting grief still resides in us. Again, I encourage a gentle handling of ourselves as we continue to work through the most difficult experience life brings us-death. When it comes to grief, the tendency of many people is to push down the sorrow, the emptiness, loneliness, confusion and all the other underlying emotions accompanying such a deep loss. Men are often told they should not cry, as it is a perceived weakness and some women may fall into this same habit. Pushing down emotions is a harmful and destructive habit, especially when it comes to grief. Emotions don’t just dissipate; they must be processed through or they will, inevitably resurface as some form of addiction or dysfunctional behavior. The most emotionally-healthy, balanced and functional people in life are those who continue to allow themselves the space to fully honor and embrace their experiences. Please be encouraged. A day will finally come when we notice we remember our departed one with fondness and with much less pain. This is when we know the monster of grief has moved finally on, as we return to life. There will be other times and experiences that may also drag us through the trenches of grief. The final one I wish to address. It is the grief that women transition through as they watch the beauty of their youth slip away. The gray hairs and wrinkles move-in, as the vibrancy and captivating glow slowly dissipate. Where there was once a time we would turn heads, or even an entire room, we now have begun to become invisible. In a society that worships the majesty of youthful glory, we are treated as if we hold no importance or value. We are discarded. Now, more than ever before, we must truly come to love and value ourselves for more than just our outward appearance. As we travel through this ongoing transition, we will navigate it in our own personal way. Some of us choose the needle or the knife, while others resolve to embrace the inevitable, with graceful resolve. Either way it is imperative that we properly grieve what we have lost and continue to lose or there will be a frantic scrambling in an attempt to cling to the sand as it slips through our grasping fingers. I had personally resolved to dye my hair until I hit the dirt but one day I realized I was concealing the new growth of gray in shame. I felt I was hiding who I truly was. The more I come to love and accept myself, the more I resolve to embrace myself with loving acceptance. It took me two years to adjust to the reflection of the “old woman” gazing back at me. Now I see the beauty of wisdom age can bring. I watch as the radiance of my Glorious Lord Jesus, Who resides in me, shines more brightly, each day. Growing old is the most difficult season we will face during our lifetime. As we age visibly and grow less agile, it is not a season we should endure alone. May we all come to a place of supportive love for one another as we affirm the choices we make, withhold from judging other women's' decisions and allow this particular grief to pass through us, making way for gifts only old age can bring. "Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." ~2 Corinthians 4:16 Grief Again The monster has re-entered my life. It’s been here before; just not frequently enough for me to learn to manage it. Tsunami of the soul. Tearing, shredding. Leaving looming holes. Unspeakable, unbearable PAIN. It will pass through me… eventually. Reaping wreckage in its wake. Time passes. I foolishly believe I am moving on. Crouching silently. Blindsided. Overtaken again. Knocked off the feet of my life. We experience grief alone. No one had the relationship we shared with the loved one we lost. Be it person or pet; grief is grief. Uninvited. Unwelcome. Arriving unannounced. All-consuming grief. I write, because I must and in hope… Perhaps these words will one day comfort you; should you be overcome with the unthinkable. 7.16.24 Nicole Casanova ~written upon my cat Bella's passing~
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My True Identity from “Victory Over the Darkness ”~Neil Anderson ~revisions by Nicole Casanova~ MY POSITION:
MY VALUE:
MY AUTHORITY:
SALAVATION Our spiritual life and victories rest in some key factors: *Being spiritually born again and receiving the Holy Spirit through acknowledgment that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, He died on a cross for the sins of mankind and on the third day, He rose again. ~”If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” ~Romans 10:9 *A personal relationship with Jesus Christ. ~On judgment day many will say to Me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in Your Name and cast out demons in Your Name and performed many miracles in Your Name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from Me, you evil doers.'” ~Matthew 7:22-23 SUBMISSION TO JESUS AS LORD ~…”saying that God’s marvelous Grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord Jesus Christ.” ~Jude 1:4 ~Living and standing firm in our true identity against the lies and assaults of the enemy. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 calls us to, “Test everything that is said. Hold onto what is good.” We are to, “Study the Word of God to show thyself approved.” ~2 Tim 2:15 When we get a check in our spirits over what we have heard in conversation, Bible studies and from the pulpit, we need to go to the Word of God and research it in context. We often hear, “We are sinners” or “We are sinners saved by grace.” The truth is we WERE sinners; now we are Saints who sin.” BIG difference. Again, who we believe we are is crucial; being powerful expressed in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinks and believes in his heart, so he is.” The act of sinning is no longer who we are; it is what we do and of course, we must continually confess our daily sins committed in thought, word and deed. We must also avoid intentionally sinning with the “excuse” we can merely confess the sin and continue on. Confession must be accompanied with repentance. It is vitally important we remain diligent in our care and mindfulness with what identity we choose to wear, believe, profess, and walk in throughout each moment of every day. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” ~Gal.5:24. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true Righteousness and Holiness.” ~Eph. 4:22 It is imperative we understand who we truly are. In Judges 6:12, “The angel of the Lord said to Gideon, ‘the Lord is with you, mighty warrior.’” Regardless of our circumstances, we need to believe and proclaim who we ARE in Christ and what He says about us! Gideon was nowhere near being a mighty warrior at the time Christ addressed him as such, but he was obedient to God through each step and he did eventually become that mighty warrior! It would be wise to read the entire account of Gideon’s story. How we inwardly view ourselves, what we profess out loud about ourselves and our lives, is tantamount in our sanctification, our transformation and the fulfillment of God’s perfect will and calling for each one of us. “Faith comes by hearing, hearing the Word of God, hearing the Truth.” ~Rom 10:17 The translation of the Hebrew word “Satan” means “accuser.” ~Rev. 12:10. We will hear words of accusation, judgment, and condemnation coming from our own faulty mental programming, from messages we received in the past, as well as, the enemy. The devil means “deceiver” ~Rev. 12:9. The enemy often speaks in first person. For example, “I’m so stupid” or in third person, with accusations such as, “You don’t matter…or you are a terrible person.” The way to combat these lies is through the steps God gives us in His Word. We combat the lie by professing the truth out loud. Lie: “No one will ever love you.” Truth, “I am God’s prized possession. I am His Masterpiece.” In Romans 12:2, God calls us to, “Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” We are to, “Take every thought captive under the obedience of Christ. ~ 2 Cor. 10:5. Jesus Christ is the Truth, therefore, we are to take every thought captive under truth! “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” ~ John 14:6. Phil 4: 8 instructs us to, “Think about things that are TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE, EXCELLENT, OR PRASIEWORTHY.” God instructs us to, “Stand firm”; ~1 Cor. 16:13, “Submit ourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee.” ~James 4:7. It often takes time but the enemy will eventually flee. When the Satan comes at us with the lies, we are to resist them and speak the Truth out loud to renew our minds and be transformed. We are to, “Hold up the shield of faith which extinguishes all the fiery arrows of the enemy.” ~ Eph. 6:16 One certain way to determine if our thoughts are aligned with God’s Truth or the accuser’s lies is by our emotions. Emotions are not good or bad; they simply reveal what we have taken into our hearts through our thoughts and they help us experience life. “You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” ~John 8:32. With freedom comes Joy and Peace; with lies comes bondage and emotional turmoil. The previously listed “Identity Statements” are Scriptures revealing your true identity. As you read through them you can make a mental note of the Scriptures that specifically catch your attention. These will be the verses to begin to profess out loud in order to demolish the strongholds that have been established from the lies you are currently believing about God, yourself, your life and your future. As you diligently continue to do this as often as needed, God promises you will be transformed. “ALL of God’s Promises prove true.” ~ 2 Sam. 22:31 The Bible says, "Faith comes by hearing the Word." These identity statements come from the Word of God so it is vital to say them out loud repeatedly, in order to "reset" our mental tapes. We are transformed by renewing our minds and this is the process. The battle for our minds, for our identity, and for our perception of God is where the enemy's highest levels of attack resides. We need to become Warriors in the spiritual realm so we can become the women of God He has called us to be; part of His Royal Priesthood, His Ambassadors. This is the only way we will fulfill His purpose for our lives and reach the people He intends to reach, specifically through us. There is a lot at stake for all of us and time is running out, now more than ever before. “But you are a chosen people, a Royal Priesthood, a Holy Nation. God’s special possession, that you may declare the praise of Him Who called you out of darkness into His wonderful Light.” ~1 Peter 2:9 |
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