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Cloak of Grief
Nowhere to run; no way to escape. Grief stands stoic; formidable. Gaping mouth; piercing teeth. He gnaws, claws, chews, shreds. Devouring all in his wake. Death’s brother of destruction. Moments too morbid to move. Beats too unbearable to breathe. My heart sits raw; putty in grief’s hands. My soul lies at his feet as he stomps again and again. Ever-widening hole… … a part of me is gone; a part of me has died. I cannot contain this sorrow; he envelopes my existence My only ally is the future. I know my faithful Lord will restore all the locust has eaten. It just takes time 11.14.14 Nicole Casanova ~written upon my mother’s passing~ The Experience of Grief Nicole Casanova 7.28.24 This November will mark the 10th year of my mother's passing. I could write pages about losing one's mother, regardless of what that relationship may have looked like. Perhaps another time. For now, there is a more recent experience I wish to share... 19 days ago, I had to have my beloved companion of 12 years put down. Bella was my beautiful cat, my faithful friend. I never understood one could grieve the death of a pet as one might grieve a person. I discovered this to be true. Pets extend unconditional love to us. Their companionship is generally more extensive, as they are completely dependent on us for their care and they are found to be almost constantly at our sides, whenever in our company. When one is faced with the decision to end our cherished pet’s life, the guilt that accompanies the grief can be an overwhelming experience to go through. This type of comparison reminds me of the grief of death versus the grief of divorce. When a spouse dies, family and friends gather round in united support and comfort, as they too, grieve alongside the widow/widower. Even such a title will warrant sympathy and empathy in the coming years. There will be no stigma, no label of shame, for the survivor to bear. Not so with divorce. A divorce is death without the casseroles. The broken marriage sends a fragmented ripple effect through both sides of the family, as well as, the circle of friends; and most especially through children who have been birthed through the marriage. A dividing camp of judgment and ostracism is automatically formed in certain friends and family. Unless one chooses to eventually remarry, they will continue to be forced to check off the box marked “Divorced.” When death takes a loved one, be it family member or friend; once again, family and friends will gather round in united support and grief. But when a pet dies, the owner(s) will traverse this barren landscape alone. Others may offer words of sympathy and encouragement but this journey through grief is born in solitude. Unfortunately, we will all experience grief at some point in our lives. Unless we go through the unspeakable horrors of war or a devastating natural disaster, grief is not something we become well acquainted with and this is one of the many reasons it is such a difficult experience to go through. Many studies on grief indicate there are five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is one additional stage I wish to add to this list and it is notably, the only stage that appears in the beginning and for only a brief time, never to resurface again. It is also a merciful stage given to us to begin the business of the tasks we must complete, such as funeral arrangements. I am referring to the initial stage of “shock.” This is a period of being emotionally, possibly physically numb. The remaining stages of grief are all moving parts, rather than one linear journey we can note and check off. This makes processing our grief even more difficult, as we are often overtaken in surprise by a “tsunami” of emotions that will uproot our proverbial anchors in life’s ocean. Because of my most recent loss of “Bella” and the accompanying grief, I decided to write some grief “guidelines” that may be of help for others, as they navigate their own, personal journey. Grief is something that will pass through us, as we move through it. Even though grief can overtake us at unexpected moments, it is absolutely essential to be gentle and supportive with ourselves as we honor the grief, rather than pushing it down or self-medicating. Some examples of healthy ways to honor and process through grief would be praying, crying, sobbing, yelling, journaling, exercising, and confiding. When it comes to grief, the tendency of many people is to push down the sorrow, the emptiness, loneliness, confusion and all the other underlying emotions accompanying such a deep loss. Men are often told they should not cry, as it is a perceived weakness and some women may fall into this same habit. Pushing down emotions is a harmful and destructive habit, especially when it comes to grief. Emotions don’t just dissipate; they must be processed through or they will, inevitably resurface as some form of addiction or dysfunctional behavior. The most emotionally-healthy, balanced and functional people in life are those who continue to allow themselves the space to fully honor and embrace their experiences. Grief Again The monster has re-entered my life. It’s been here before; just not frequently enough for me to learn to manage it. Tsunami of the soul. Tearing, shredding. Leaving looming holes. Unspeakable, unbearable PAIN. It will pass through me… eventually. Reaping wreckage in its wake. Time passes. I foolishly believe I am moving on. Crouching silently. Blindsided. Overtaken again. Knocked off the feet of my life. We experience grief alone. No one had the relationship we shared with the loved one we lost. Be it person or pet; grief is grief. Uninvited. Unwelcome. Arriving unannounced. All-consuming grief. I write, because I must and in hope… Perhaps these words will one day comfort you; should you be overcome with the unthinkable. 7.16.24 Nicole Casanova ~written upon my cat Bella's passing~
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My True Identity from “Victory Over the Darkness ”~Neil Anderson ~revisions by Nicole Casanova~ MY POSITION:
MY VALUE:
MY AUTHORITY:
Our True Identity
~by Nicole Casanova 2.15.16 Our spiritual life and victories rest in some key factors: *Being spiritually born again and receiving the Holy Spirit through acknowledgment that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, He died on a cross for the sins of mankind and on the third day, He rose again. ~”If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” ~Romans 10:9 *A personal relationship with Jesus Christ. ~On judgment day many will say to Me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in Your Name and cast out demons in Your Name and performed many miracles in Your Name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from Me, you evil doers.'” ~Matthew 7:22-23 *Submission to Jesus as Lord. ~…”saying that God’s marvelous Grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord Jesus Christ.” ~Jude 1:4 ~Living and standing firm in our true identity against the lies and assaults of the enemy. 1 Thessalonians 5:21 calls us to, “Test everything that is said. Hold onto what is good.” We are to, “Study the Word of God to show thyself approved.” ~2 Tim 2:15 When we get a check in our spirits over what we have heard in conversation, Bible studies and from the pulpit, we need to go to the Word of God and research it in context. We often hear, “We are sinners” or “We are sinners saved by grace.” The truth is we WERE sinners; now we are Saints who sin.” BIG difference. Again, who we believe we are is crucial; being powerful expressed in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinks and believes in his heart, so he is.” The act of sinning is no longer who we are; it is what we do and of course, we must continually confess our daily sins committed in thought, word and deed. We must also avoid intentionally sinning with the “excuse” we can merely confess the sin and continue on. Confession must be accompanied with repentance. It is vitally important we remain diligent in our care and mindfulness with what identity we choose to wear, believe, profess, and walk in throughout each moment of every day. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17. “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” ~Gal.5:24. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true Righteousness and Holiness.” ~Eph. 4:22 It is imperative we understand who we truly are. In Judges 6:12, “The angel of the Lord said to Gideon, ‘the Lord is with you, mighty warrior.’” Regardless of our circumstances, we need to believe and proclaim who we ARE in Christ and what He says about us! Gideon was nowhere near being a mighty warrior at the time Christ addressed him as such, but he was obedient to God through each step and he did eventually become that mighty warrior! It would be wise to read the entire account of Gideon’s story. How we inwardly view ourselves, what we profess out loud about ourselves and our lives, is tantamount in our sanctification, our transformation and the fulfillment of God’s perfect will and calling for each one of us. “Faith comes by hearing, hearing the Word of God, hearing the Truth.” ~Rom 10:17 The translation of the Hebrew word “Satan” means “accuser.” ~Rev. 12:10. We will hear words of accusation, judgment, and condemnation coming from our own faulty mental programming, from messages we received in the past, as well as, the enemy. The devil means “deceiver” ~Rev. 12:9. The enemy often speaks in first person. For example, “I’m so stupid” or in third person, with accusations such as, “You don’t matter…or you are a terrible person.” The way to combat these lies is through the steps God gives us in His Word. We combat the lie by professing the truth out loud. Lie: “No one will ever love you.” Truth, “I am God’s prized possession. I am His Masterpiece.” In Romans 12:2, God calls us to, “Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” We are to, “Take every thought captive under the obedience of Christ. ~ 2 Cor. 10:5. Jesus Christ is the Truth, therefore, we are to take every thought captive under truth! “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” ~ John 14:6. Phil 4: 8 instructs us to, “Think about things that are TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE, EXCELLENT, OR PRASIEWORTHY.” God instructs us to, “Stand firm”; ~1 Cor. 16:13, “Submit ourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee.” ~James 4:7. It often takes time but the enemy will eventually flee. When the Satan comes at us with the lies, we are to resist them and speak the Truth out loud to renew our minds and be transformed. We are to, “Hold up the shield of faith which extinguishes all the fiery arrows of the enemy.” ~ Eph. 6:16 One certain way to determine if our thoughts are aligned with God’s Truth or the accuser’s lies is by our emotions. Emotions are not good or bad; they simply reveal what we have taken into our hearts through our thoughts and they help us experience life. “You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.” ~John 8:32. With freedom comes Joy and Peace; with lies comes bondage and emotional turmoil. On the Soul Garden Ministry website, you will find a blog entitled, “Identity Statements.” As you read through these verses revealing your true identity, make a mental note of the scriptures that specifically catch your attention. These will be the verses to begin combating the lies you are currently believing about God, yourself, your life, and your future. As you begin to profess the correlating identity truths out loud to combat the lies, and continue to do this as often as needed, God promises you will be transformed. “ALL of God’s Promises prove true.” ~ 2 Sam. 22:31 The Bible says, "Faith comes by hearing the Word." These identity statements come from the Word of God so it is vital to say them out loud repeatedly, in order to "reset" our mental tapes. We are transformed by renewing our minds and this is the process. The battle for our minds, for our identity, and for our perception of God is where the enemy's highest levels of attack resides. We need to become Warriors in the spiritual realm so we can become the women and men of God He has called us to be, part of His Royal Priesthood; His Ambassadors. This is the only way we will fulfill His purpose for our lives and reach the people He intends to reach through us specifically. There is a lot at stake for all of us and time is running out, now more than ever before. “But you are a chosen people, a Royal Priesthood, a Holy Nation. God’s special possession, that you may declare the praise of Him Who called you out of darkness into His wonderful Light.” ~1 Peter 2:9 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." ~Ephesians 6:12
Overview: DEMONIC POSSESSION- A person who is not filled with the Holy Spirit of Jesus Christ has been partially or fully taken over by one or more demons, such as described in the Bible Scripture Mark 5:2-13. This person is controlled by the demon(s) and can show supernatural displays of physical strength and speed. The demon(s) frequently speak, screech, laugh or make other noises through their host. This person can still display periods of lucidity. Murderers, rapists, serial killers and other such diabolical persons are examples of those who may be possessed. DEMONIC OPPRESSION- A person is oppressed with demonic powers who have established strongholds and built kingdoms in the person's thoughts, emotions, and/or will. The demon(s) is influencing and attacking their host from within. The demons conceal themselves within the host and do not usually manifest in a visible way unless/until they is being driven/cast out of his host. This person is sane and fully functioning in society, yet silently suffers and struggles with deep-seated issues and often addictions such as depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, self-hatred, deception, abusive attributes, just to name a few. Many psychological and physical issues are often rooted in demonic influence. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have Life, and have it to the full." ~John 10:10 DEMONIC ATTACKS- This is part of the on-going battle described in Ephesians 6:12. All Spirit-filled Christians experience this through out their earthly lives. The attacks can occur in the earthly/physical realm but are frequently encountered in the mind, the will and the emotions. Demons are especially effective in seducing and operating through the Fallen Nature. Attacks that occur in the earthly/physical realm, such as car accidents, natural disasters, financial loss, or broken relationships can be attributed to the fallen nature of mankind and poor choices but can also be delivered by the hand of the enemy; yet only with the Sovereign approval of God, as He intends to use it for our refining. The study in the book of Job is a wonderful analysis of what goes on behind the earthly scenes in the spiritual realm. FALLEN NATURE/FLESH- From the fallen seed of man that originated in the Garden and the curse that fell upon mankind due to disobedience, comes the fallen self/fallen nature. This fallen nature, the flesh, will never be sanctified; it must be crucified daily. SOUL-A person's thoughts, emotions, and will. Although a Spirit-filled Believer becomes a "New Creation in Christ" , is born again spiritually with a new heart, the Holy Spirit of Christ, and the Mind of Christ, the unhealed, wounded parts of the soul remain where we harbor unforgiveness, bitterness ungodly thoughts, rebellious will and mindsets. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” ~Ezekiel 36:36 “But we have the mind of Christ and do hold the thoughts, feelings, and purposes, of His Heart.” ~1 Corinthians 2:16 SANCTIFICATION- The soul is where sanctification takes place and it is here the battlefield of good and evil is forged through our freedom to choose. These unhealed parts of the soul must first become healed, then transformed and sanctified, "Set apart as Holy." Sanctification is a lifetime process accomplished through acknowledgement, confession, and submission to the Holy Spirit as each conviction and choice is presented. “For it is God Who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His Good Pleasure." ~Philippians 2:13 Many Christians are ineffective in their lives and callings because they do not want to go through the struggle and pain of healing and overcoming. I speak from personal experience as a former drug addict and drunk when I say, it is more miserable to stay in the bondage then it is to do the painful work of healing and discovering true freedom in Christ. Never the less, please don't be discouraged, sanctification and transformation will still remain a lifetime process for all of us and it will not reach culmination until we see Jesus face to face and receive our Glorified bodies. “We know that when Christ appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.” ~1 John 3:2 Let's dig deeper with our gardens tool of insight and understanding... "And this is my prayer; that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ." ~Philippians 1:9-11 The soil of the soul is full of debris from the past. The false identity is formed in the untilled ground of the soul. Childhood wounds form fertile soil for lies of the enemy's seeds to be planted. Once we believe a lie, we fall into deception. As we embrace the lie conceptually and emotionally, the lie begins to form our false identity. The enemy establishes strongholds and forges his weapons in our souls. It is from our wounded areas of childhood experiences that the seeds of our true, original identity are systematically uprooted by the demons. It is through our earliest childhood wounding, be it at home or the playground, through hurtful words and experiences, that the doors of opportunity are opened for the demonic realm to enter into the soul. To date, in my deliverance ministry, I have not personally worked with a person who is completely possessed by a demon(s), and a Spirit-filled Believer in Christ can never be fully possessed by a demon(s); however, the majority of humans, and even some spirit-filled Christians, are sadly demonically oppressed. Demons gain access points through our agreement with them, as well as, through our participation in pagan practices. Until repentance occurs and inner healing takes place, most people are unknowingly operating in bondage and deception in some aspects of their lives and personalities. The demons are crafty; they hide in deep places of the soul. They are familiar to us, even seeming companions, and we are deceived into believing they are part of our personality because they have been with us for so long. It is through my personal deliverance experience that I can attest to this truth. When the demons are exposed, it can be a mild to large display of their resistance to being delivered out. Just as Jesus never had an encounter with the demons or a did a deliverance that was duplicated, nor have I. Demons do not wish to be cast out. They prefer even being sent into animals over the arid places but it is human beings they consider their "homes." Ponder this... When an evil spirit leaves a person, it goes into the desert, seeking rest but finding none. Then it says, 'I will return to the person I came from.' So it returns and finds its former home empty, swept, and in order." ~Matthew 12:43 "When Jesus climbed out of the boat, a man possessed by an evil spirit came out from a cemetery to meet him. When Jesus was still some distance away, the man saw him, ran to meet him, and bowed low before him. With a shriek, he screamed, 'Why are You interfering with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? In the name of God, I beg You, don't torture me!' For Jesus had already said to the spirit, 'Come out of the man, you evil spirit.' Then Jesus demanded, 'What is your name?' And he replied, 'My name is Legion, because there are many of us inside this man.' Then the evil spirits begged Him again and again not to send them to some distant place. There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby. 'Send us into those pigs,' the spirits begged.' So Jesus gave them permission." ~Mark 5: 2,6-13 Although Satan is not omniscient (all knowing) like God, he is extremely wise and crafty; the master of deception and the "father of lies." He has demons assigned to us from our point of birth, perhaps even in the womb. These supernatural, evil beings are analyzing and observing our experiences, as they wait for any opportunity to speak lies and attack. How exactly does this happen? When a child is violated, betrayed, mocked or deceived, a deep inner wounding takes place. Immediately the enemy will speak a lie into his thoughts about his identity. The child may hear, "I deserved that." "Nobody likes you." "I'm a terrible person." "I'm ugly." The list is endless. The enemy will speak in third or first person. Either way, if the child, or the adult later in life, agrees with the lie, it is then absorbed into the heart and becomes part of their belief system, their identity. This means the enemy has successfully established a "stronghold" in his victim. Once a stronghold is established, the patient demon will continue to build deeper lodging through the same process of lies, until he is able to invite other demons in, establishing a demonic kingdom in the victim's soul. I have labeled the original demon to enter during childhood or formative years as the "root demon." Should the abuse should continue in the person's life, behavior begins to be modified as the lie is enforced. The child will eventually begin to migrate toward abusive people as the child becomes a teenager and adult. This is because the person now believes he deserves to be treated in this fashion, because he/she recognizes love as pain, and also because it is familiar. Often times the adult child will be drawn toward people who embody the characteristics of their family of origin in order to fix and repair what was and may remain broken. This was the case in my situation. I married my emotionally unavailable mother, my terrifying dad who was full of explosive rage, as well as, my abused brothers, who needed to be rescued. From this false identity, dysfunctional and even evil behavior begins to sprout ugly shoots and bring forth a harvest of unrighteousness in the person's life. Even the most abusive households will have children who are loving and loyal to the abusers in hope that things will change, through their loyalty, or in effort to avoid further punishment. Child abuse in any form is the most evil thing on the planet and it can takes years to recover from. Counseling can prove very helpful, however, I did not receive healing through my years of various forms of therapy. The therapy gave me intellectual tools to process and implement to modify my behavior, such as establishing and enforcing healthy boundaries in my life, but my healing and deliverance came directly by the Hand of God and this is the method and ministry I in turn, utilize, in order to lead my clients to freedom. In order to better understand, let us visit the original garden... The Fall of Humanity I've often heard the remark, "If God is good, He would not send people to hell." God does not "send" people to hell. In face, 2 Peter 3:9 tells us that, "God is not willing that any should perish, but all should come to repentance." Every human is born to die and go to hell because of the original fall of humanity. We are born spiritually dead and inherit the tainted blood line of Adam, as well as, a fallen nature. Adam was created in the image of God. In the original fall of humanity, which took place in the garden, the Serpent, Satan, tempted Eve saying, “Eat this and you shall be like God.” He also assured her, “Surely you will not die.” Just as Satan did back in the Garden, he continues to do today, tempting us to question God, what God says, and God's Goodness. So, Adam and Eve did in fact die that day. Their physical bodies became cursed with the effects of their sin in that they now inhabited aging, decaying bodies, as well as, the knowledge that one day they would in fact die a physical death. Their soul became sinful and they became fallen creatures with a fallen nature, rather than the gloried creations made in His Image, that God had originally created them to be. Adam and Eve experienced shame and fear for the first time, as described in Genesis 3:10-11. They also did in fact die immediately, in their spirits. This is why, in John 3:3-6, Jesus replies to Nicodemus and his question saying, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again, you cannot see the Kingdom of God.” Jesus continues, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit.” This is also why Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, thus the Virgin birth. If He had been born the son of Joseph, He would have inherited his earthly father’s tainted blood line, as well as, the fallen nature and He would not have been capable of being the “Perfect Atoning Sacrifice for the sins of all mankind; the unblemished Lamb of God.” He was fully man yet He was also fully God. And Jesus, through His own free will and complete submission to the Holy Spirit, never sinned a single time in thought, word, or deed even though, “He was tempted in all ways as we are, yet was without sin.” ~Hebrews 4:15 Jesus is our High Priest. His Holy Blood and Sacrificial Death on the cross is our way to escape the coming wrath of God. "If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." ~Romans 10:9 May you come to know Jesus through stillness in His Presence and study/application of His Word, the Bible. When you come to know Him, trusting Him and submitting to Him is a natural result. It is then, your true life will begin; Eternal Life. |
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